Relationship Road Map

In the past six months or so, we’ve struggled. Our entire relationship had been this beautiful journey together - hand in hand - seeing and feeling and being two sets of eyes, fingers, and hearts taking it in. We carved out intentional space for one another, honoring the unique flows of each changing moment. We sat together in reverence and respect; in gratitude. 

And then, almost overnight - or maybe it was a slow unraveling - things began to change. We didn’t meet each other with the same enthusiasm. What had been the necessity of time together became soaked in obligation and patterning. We stayed together in spite of the growing distance. We honored the pattern and while painfully, confusingly allowed the space between us to deepen. 

In our disharmony we found something else. Something that eventually beckoned us to test what made us, us - something that sprung tears of gratitude and softening - something that taught us how to laugh again, and soak ourselves in the grace of each passing moment, and carried us to the place where we meet each day holding all of the love we’re growing. 

I’ve realized, over this last little bit, that I am in a relationship with meditation. And, EVERYTHING else for that matter - we all are. We experience the world not as it is, but as we are. If we allow this idea of our perception being the lens of our experiences, and we acknowledge that we are in a relationship with all of our experiences with people, places, and things, then we must understand that if we want our relationships to change, then we must look at the one we have with ourselves. 

Treating all of these relationships intentionally and having the courage to navigate the ups and downs of them gives us an opportunity to discover, tap into and learn to operate in our purpose. They also serve as a road map to deeper self discovery. When we open up to the idea that all relationships are the road map to self, we can see that each time deep seeded triggers, traumas, enlightenments, and passions rise to the surface, they are guiding us closer and closer to our destination. Cultivating the space to observe relationships - our roles, patterns, actions and reactions - is a crucial step on our individual journeys so that we can come into self sufficiency and then, into expansion. The things that come up when we examine the ways in which we operate in our lives is a call back to self. A call that beckons us to dive deeper.

Our relationship with self is the foundation for each and every connection in our lives. We are the reflection. We are the mirror.  Our ability to get to know ourselves, to trust ourselves, to develop our own discernment and acknowledgement that what is true for us might not be true for others, leads us into an innerstanding that our world is working through us, for us. 

It takes time to get to know yourself and see yourself fully. It takes time in awareness and observation. It means accepting our pasts and allowing judgement to dissipate so that we can settle into the idea that where we are is right where we are supposed to be. It takes action - active release of behaviors, the release of grudges, and anger and personal stories that keep us distant from ourselves.  It means that if we are not willing to take the steps necessary to forge a relationship with ourselves and develop this innerstanding, then we honestly can’t expect our outer world to reflect anything but our unresolved stuff. And so the action really becomes the sitting with it, the letting it, the being honest with it, the asking questions of it, and eventually coming to a place where we find ourselves in the kind of relationship that weathers and withstands the trials of this time.

There is a saying, “When you point a finger at someone else, there are three pointing back at you.” 

This saying asks us to take a look at the big picture, at everyone’s part including our own, so that we can move away from blame and into something far more productive. Productive in the sense that we can choose to take personal responsibility for the things that come into our lives. It would have been easy in my relationship with meditation if I threw in the towel and stopped coming to sit each morning. If I chalked it up to being “too hard” and ignored the messages in the difficulties that presented. I chose to lean into personal responsibility instead of the well trodden path of knee jerk reactions and finger pointing. What that one small choice offered me was worth it because in my relationship with meditation and with all the other relationships in my life, I’m learning. I’m learning to offer these connections the space to shift and transform. I’m learning to relax in the fluctuations. I’m learning to deepen my faith. I’m learning to hold it as it comes, in all of its forms and it’s teaching me.  

We are designed to collaborate. We are designed to come together in our individual uniqueness so that we can create. Our commitment to getting to know ourselves is the impetus for our outer world being one that is filled with respect, appreciation, and emotionally intelligent interactions. When we take those fingers pointing back at us and invite that direction of going inward and examining ourselves, we come to the knowing that it is a choice. It is a choice to come from our fear or it is a choice to come from our love.