Contentment - Santosha

The other night, my husband was driving us home from the airport. We were turning onto the streets of our neighborhood, sleeping children in the back seat. We had been discussing having kids and how that affects your life. My husband admitted that there have been times he has thought about what life would be like without them. He honestly expressed a sort of longing for freedom. As parents of a five and two-year-old - I can say, it's not too hard to go there. Temper tantrums, sleepless nights, and permanent marker on the wall get you there pretty quick.  

For a long time, I lived in a place of unhappiness. I lacked confidence in most areas of my life and went through the motions of my days without any passion or drive. I latched on to the lives of people around me, thinking that their likes and dislikes and opinions were my own. I lacked contentment. 

Then I found yoga and was moved so much by the practices, that I started, little by little to change. I moved through my asana practice the way I hoped to move through life. I transformed my attitudes and behaviors. I began to live in a place of acceptance as I let go of the inner struggle I was so accustomed to applying to circumstance. It was all so subtle and slow that some days it didn't feel like it was even working. 

And just like that, on a late night drive down a windy mountain road, I realized I had what I had been looking for. Santosha - Contentment. For the first time in my life, I wasn't looking for anything to fill me up or complete me. I heard myself say "I like my life just the way it is." I didn't mean to declare words of contentment. It just happened. 

I recently read a blog post by the one and only Yoga Girl - Rachel Brathen. The post is titled "Be Grateful, Be Happy, Be Content" - and I get it. I really get it. 

To paraphrase Rachel, I can see the light and trust that it will come to me. I have so many reasons to be happy, even in the face of life's chaos. I am going to be okay.