Capacity
About a year ago, I took a big step toward creating more space in my life. I’d spent several years chipping away at old patterns and behaviors, and felt ready for something big. Progress if funny that way – small step, small step, giant leap, back step, two steps forward, one circular dance, contentment. There seems to be a lot of movement involved. Attaching an asana practice to my spiritual journey has proved essential. I wanted to create space for something other than “me.” Years and years of misguided behavior had left me rather self-absorbed and victimized. I was hiding out – hiding behind my imperfections, failing to trust the opportunities around me.
I had been on a path, shedding this nonsense, when one of my teachers brought something to my attention. He said that we create our world – it all comes from us. In the Yoga Sutras, Patanjali says,
We misunderstand our world:
Things that are not themselves
Seem to us as if there were.
11.5D
Shame and other self absorbed thinking melted away as soon as I realized it was not part of anything except a figment of my imagination. When I took this idea further and thought about all my misunderstandings of my world, I was able to find so much space. I realized that I had filled myself with so many cluttered thoughts, ideas, judgments, and labels. I had created file cabinets full of likes and dislikes and how I would react in any given situation. I had stuck to those patterns, digging holes and planting seeds for pain I would encounter in the future. So I decided to throw out the files. In fact, I am in the process of throwing out the entire cabinet. In doing so, I am discovering a capacity for happiness and contentment. I am putting a stop to knee jerk reactions. Instead, I pause, remember my part, and focus on creating the life I want.
The pain that we
Are ridding ourselves of
Is all the pain
That would have come to us
In the future.
11.16